tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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