he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
