We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
how drunk are you?
Several
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
