They should really pass out barf bags in church
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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