Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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