The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
