She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
