At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize