did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
