I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
