i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
