you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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