I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
