it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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