If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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