I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
