I need to stop coming to work sober
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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