i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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