To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did i walk over a car last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize