oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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