i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
