He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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