I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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