and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize