Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
