so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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