...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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