i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize