I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
