it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
