You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
