1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
