dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
