We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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