I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
