I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
