i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize