i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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