On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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