Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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