New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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