You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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