I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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