He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
