then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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