FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
