dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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