from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And then he peed in my hair
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