I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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