Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
