she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
