Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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