We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
