her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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