you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want her autograph on my taint
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
