Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
