so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
