Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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