i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
God, I missed his penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
