wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
