help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
