We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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