I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
