It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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