He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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