Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize