i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
