I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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