I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
