And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
