think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
love makes seman taste better
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
