life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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