Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
