Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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