I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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