Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
COCAINE IS GR8
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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