there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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