At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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