My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
