Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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