i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
