ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
