He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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