Will you blow on my dice?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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