A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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