I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
