Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
