I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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