Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
