I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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