Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
