Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
