just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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