So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
